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Monday Sept 10

The Femme Curse #2

Entry Seven

Standing out in the “gay” crowd for a feminine lesbian is like a tomato trying to blend in a basket of fruit. You want to bet that it’s a vegetable, but it truly is a fruit! The conflict is that judgmental people are everywhere, even among the most protest types of lesbians.

In my early stages of coming out I wanted to do as many gay things as possible to help speed the process of me finding someone. Instead what I received was a reality check. My bubbly personality just didn’t fit the swag majority of the lesbian culture and I was in debates constantly. Somehow “I looked straight” and “Must be Bisexual” because of how I was perceived. For a long time, I committed myself to never approaching anyone and claimed that if anyone were really that interested they’d approach me. Sure I’d always find a partner for the dance floor, but this behavior guaranteed me singledom for years a time between partners.

I use to blame others for their insecurities and prejudices, until it was painfully obvious that I was the only common denominator. What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I dating? The answer was simple; Confidence. When I stopped “trying” to fit in and prove my point about feminine lesbians being passed by, I found myself being introduced to many wonderful women. I made more friends and I no longer tried to dress in lesbian attire. I’d wear my 3-inch heels, black dress, and the whole nine and I would have a great time with or without getting a number.

As a result, the quality of people I’d meet improved as well as partners. Confidence is the gateway to self-acceptance and self-acceptance is the key to happiness.

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